Don't Give Up
by The Alice Killer - Storm
Summary: The life of Sakurauchi Riko isn't all that it seems to be (Written for National Suicide Prevention Day)


Life wasn't going as it seemed for Sakurauchi Riko. On the outside, she was a normal girl. Completely happy with life. But on the inside, she was a disaster. Riko wasn't anything like people knew her to be.

Her friends never thought anything was wrong with her. She seemed so happy, once you looked past the timidness. But, Riko was suffering. And no one knew. Not until one fateful day.

It was a weekend. Riko had woken up feeling awful as she always did. She barely had the strength to move to turn off her alarm that kept blaring at her. She wanted to just disappear into the void and never return. Riko didn't want to live. She hadn't wanted to live for quite some time. She was done with life and everything it had thrown at her.

Her mom had thought that moving away from the big city would give her a new start. It had, at first. But then things happened that reminded her of her problems that she had tried so hard to get rid of. There was no stopping them from haunting her again once they came back. Riko never informed her mom about them. She didn't want her mom to worry about her any more than she had to. She knew she was causing a lot of stress to her mom.

Riko sighed as she slowly sat up on her bed. She glanced at her phone to see no new messages. It was almost noon already and no one had thought to check up on her. Riko frowned at that thought.

_Maybe they don't care about me. Maybe they've only been using me. Would they care if I just vanished?_

Riko got out of her bed. She made a decision about what she was going to do. She changed into some clothes suitable for the weather outside. She walked out of her room, before returning to grab her phone. She left and went downstairs. Her mom was watching TV. She teased Riko about sleeping in so late, and then informed her breakfast was in the fridge if she wanted it.

Riko declined and said she was going out. She bid her mom farewell and started walking down the street. It was pretty busy for the small town. There was a convention of some sort going on in the downtown area of the city. Riko walked toward that area. That was the perfect place to do what she wanted.

Riko arrived in no time and stared at the traffic flow. She made a bitter smile as she pulled out her phone. She sent a message to the chat she made with Yō and Chika.

_Riko: Hey guys. I just wanted to tell you something. I'm sorry. I've probably been a burden to you this entire time. But, it's alright. You won't have to deal with me any longer. I think it's best for me to leave. So, goodbye. I'm sure one of these visitors will be driving fast enough to kill me._

Riko put her phone back into her pocket and then watched for a driver who decided the speed limit was too slow. She knew it would happen soon. There were a lot of impatient visitors. But, to this day, no one ever got hit by one. Riko was about to try and change that. She wondered what the city might do to make sure it wouldn't happen again.

Riko spotted one after a few minutes of waiting. She smiled another bitter smile as she ran forward, ready to meet her end, even if it was going to be a painful one. Suddenly, two pairs of arms wrapped around her and pulled her away from the street. The car flew by without any problems. The streak of no deaths would continue onward.

"R-Riko-chan... why? Why are you trying to die?"

Riko realized who the pairs of arms belonged to. Yō and Chika had found her. They had gone to stop her. They cared enough to try to stop her.

Riko found herself crying at that realization. Maybe she wasn't a burden like she thought. Maybe she was valued. Riko had believed her mind for so long when it told her she was worthless to her friends. Now that she had evidence they weren't, it was so different.

Riko felt Chika and Yō smothering her in kisses as they comforted her. Riko kept crying as she sunk into their caring embraces. They held her close and continued to comfort her as much as they could.

"Riko-chan?" Another voice called out.

A new pair of arms wrapped around her. They belonged to Kanan. Chika had texted Kanan once they had stopped Riko from throwing herself into the traffic. Kanan had rushed over as soon as she got the message. She was extremely worried until she saw that they had the situation under control.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." Riko repeatedly started apologizing.

"Shh... it's okay..." Chika stated as she wiped some tears off of Riko's face, "There's nothing to apologize for."

Riko finally looked at them. They all smiled at her to try and cheer her up. Riko could see the tears in their eyes, though. She had made them cry. Riko looked at Chika and hugged her. Chika patted her on the head. After a little bit, Riko pulled back and then hugged Yō. Yō nuzzled her face into Riko's hair as she wiped away the tearsthat were still falling.

Riko felt Kanan hug her from behind. She smiled a genuine smile as she relaxed into Yō's hug. She felt cared for and safe. That was feeling she hadn't felt in such a long time. Chika hugged her as well. Riko found herself starting to fall asleep. The adrenaline from her attempt had finally worn off and she was starting to get tired. Riko nuzzled her head into Yō's chest and allowed herself to sleep.

She felt strong arms lift her up, before she succumbed to the darkness. For once, the darkness was welcoming and warm. Not cold and cruel like normal.

...

Riko woke up a few hours later. She groaned in pain as her head started pounding. After all that crying, it wasn't a surprise that she had a headache. Riko felt someone brushing her hair. She realized she was resting her head in someone's lap. She had no clue how she had ended up in that position, but she wasn't complaining.

Riko blinked open her eyes to find that she was in a somewhat familiar room. After a few moments, she realized it was Yō's room. Riko looked up and saw that Chika was the one she was currently laying on.

"Chika-chan..." Riko tried to speak, but her voice came out as a hoarse whisper.

It was enough to get Chika's attention, "Riko-chan, you're awake."

Riko tried to sit up, but her head started hurting worse as she did so. She sunk back down into Chika's lap, deciding it was better to just stay there. She didn't hate the feeling. It was quite comfortable.

"You feeling alright? Do you want anything?" Chika asked as she caressed one of Riko's cheeks.

"I have a headache..." Riko mumbled.

Chika pulled out her phone and typed something on it. Riko assumed that she was texting Yō or Kanan to bring some medicine for her. Chika set her phone back down once she was done and went back to combing her hand through Riko's hair.

Riko relaxed as she did so. It was nice and soothing. She was starting to drift back off to sleep when the door to the room opened up. Yō came into the room with two pills and a glass of water in her hands. Chika helped Riko into a sitting position.

Yō handed Riko the items and took a seat beside her on the bed. Riko's hand were shaking slightly as she took the pills. Chika carefully helped to keep her still as she drank the water. Once she was finished, Chika took the glass and set it on an end table by the bed.

Riko didn't know what to do. She was unsure how to talk to them. She was also unsure if she should get off of Chika's lap or not. After Chika hugged her from behind, Riko decided that it wasn't too bad staying where she was.

"Where's Kanan?" Riko asked.

"She's downstairs... um... I'm sorry, but we kinda told everyone about this... they're all downstairs." Yō admitted quietly.

"Did you tell my mom?" Riko dreaded the answer to that. She could deal with Aqours knowing, but it was over if her mom knew.

Yō shook her head, "No. Do you want her to know?"

Riko frantically shook her head, "No!"

"Then we won't tell her." Yō stated.

"Do you want to see everyone?" Chika asked as she rested her chin on Riko's shoulder.

Riko thought about it. She wasn't sure if she was ready to face them all. She didn't know how they would react to her. Riko didn't know if she should be worried about them hating her. That's what happened with her old "friends" back in middle school.

"Not all at the same time..." Riko replied.

"Okay. How about in pairs of two?" Chika suggested.

Riko nodded, "I think I can handle that."

Yō got off the bed and went to go fetch them. Riko looked at Chika. She had a pleading look on her face.

"I promise I'll stay with you." Chika said as she realized what the look was for.

Riko moved herself out of Chika's lap. She sat beside her. She made Chika sit closer to the door. Riko didn't know why, but she felt safer that way. Chika didn't complain and let her sit where she wanted.

The door soon opened up and Kanan and Mari entered the room. Kanan rushed over to Riko and threw her arms around her. Riko tensed up for a moment, before she found herself crying into Kanan's shoulder. Kanan kept her in a tight hug as Riko let out her emotions.

Mari watched them with a sad smile on her face. Chika made room and let Mari sit beside Riko. Riko didn't seem to notice her at first. She just hugged Kanan and cried. Mari was perfectly fine with that. She wasn't that surprised that Riko would cling to Kanan. She had been there when Riko was stopped. It made perfect sense.

Riko pulled one arm away from Kanan's back. She wrapped it around Mari and pulled her close to them. Mari rubbed a hand over Riko's back. Riko stopped crying and just sniffled as she hugged the two of them.

"You feeling better now?" Kanan asked, "You can let it all out. Don't be afraid."

Riko nodded, even though it was a lie. She still wanted to express her emotions more. She just was afraid to. Riko wanted to punch something to help. She didn't want to do that to any of them. That was for an inanimate object.

"You're holding back." Mari stated, "We can tell."

Riko let out another sob. Kanan pulled her close. Riko lost the ability to hold back her emotions. She started crying and screaming in anguish as she punched Kanan. Mari was about to pull her away, but Kanan shook her head. She let Riko punch her. Mari and Chika both looked at Kanan with concerned expressions.

Kanan just bent her head down and whispered into Riko's ear. Riko slowly calmed and her attacking stopped. She froze as she realized what she had done. She had hurt Kanan. Riko looked up at Kanan with wide eyes. Kanan just smiled at her.

"I... I'm sorry..." Riko whispered.

"It's fine. I'm fine." Kanan reassured her.

"You guys done?" Yō popped her head in the room.

Kanan and Mari looked at Riko. She was who decided if they could leave. Riko hesitantly nodded. Kanan and Mari hugged Riko again and then left the room. Riko looked at the bed. She felt bad about what happened. Even if Kanan said it was okay, she still felt really bad about it.

Chika tried her best to cheer her up as they waited for the next pair to come in. They soon came in. This time it was Hanamaru and Yohane. They timidly approached and sat on the bed.

"How are you feeling?" Hanamaru asked to break the silence.

"I don't know..." Riko mumbled, "There's too many emotions inside of me to pick one..."

"Is this the first time?" Yohane asked, before she seemed to realize that probably wasn't the best thing to ask.

As Yohane was going to apologize, Riko spoke, "It isn't."

"So... things have been going bad for a while now." Chika murmured.

"Yeah... I can't remember the last time I was normal..." Riko sighed.

"It'll get better. It just might take a while." Yohane stated.

"What if it won't!?" Riko challenged.

"She's right. You can't say something like that, Yoshiko-chan." Hanamaru replied.

Yohane frowned, "Please... just listen. It will get better. It could take years, though. That's the thing people don't get. You might not get better for a long time. But, it will happen. Only if you push through until then."

"And where is this coming from, Yoshiko-chan?" Chika asked. She also was on Riko's side of the argument.

"It's Yohane." Yohane whined, "And... I... I don't want to say..."

"If you can't back it up, then why should we trust you?" Riko asked.

Yohane fiddled nervously with her hands as she spoke, "I... I know... from experience..."

"You do?" Hanamaru asked.

Yohane nodded, "I... I tried before too... everything was going wrong. But, I'm better now. Things have gotten better."

"Maybe you're just lucky." Riko stated.

"But... you've heard stories, haven't you? It really does get better." Yohane argued.

Riko stayed silent. She was conflicted. She wanted to believe Yohane. She really did. But, her mind was telling her that wasn't true. She would never get better. Riko didn't know what to do.

She was broken out of her daze by Chika hugging her. Riko stared at her for a few seconds, before looking at Yohane and Hanamaru. She held out her arms. They looked at each other for a moment, before they moved closer and hugged Riko.

They didn't speak. The four of them stayed silent as they hugged. Riko liked that. She wasn't too into talking still. She was dreading the idea of someone asking more personal questions. Riko wasn't too upset about the question Yohane had asked. Since she wasn't forced to elaborate, she had no issue with it at all.

"You promise to always reach out to us if you're struggling?" Yohane asked as she and Hanamaru pulled away from the hug.

Riko shrugged. She didn't want to make a promise that she might not keep. It was hard to open up. She was afraid to. Riko didn't want to face any consequences from it. That was the last thing she wanted.

"At least promise you'll try." Hanamaru spoke up.

"I promise I'll try..." Riko mumbled.

Yohane and Hanamaru left the room. Riko didn't know if she could handle the last two. She was going through so many different emotions. Riko just wanted to lie down and sleep.

But, she had two more people to talk to. Dia and Ruby came into the room. Dia took a seat close to Riko while Ruby stayed a little further back. Riko couldn't bring her gaze up to meet either of them. She didn't know what to expect from them. Riko was assuming Dia would say something to her.

"Riko-san, will you please look up." Dia asked.

Riko shook her head and kept her gaze down on the bed. She felt someone place a hand on her shoulder. She didn't look to see who. Riko didn't really care that much.

"I know it's hard to talk to everyone. So, I won't say much." Dia continued, "Just know that you aren't alone. There are people who can help you."

"I know..." Riko whined.

"You should use them. If you're struggling they can help." Dia stated, "I know opening up to people is hard. That's why it's easier to do it to someone you don't know. Do it over the phone and they'll never know who you are."

"I don't know..." Riko whispered.

"It's your choice." Dia replied.

Riko slowly brought her gaze up to look at Dia. Dia looked at her with a soft smile. She held out her arms. Riko hesitated, before she hugged Dia. They hugged awkwardly. After a few minutes, Riko felt someone else hug her. She turned her head to see Ruby had moved over.

The three of them stayed like that for only a short period of time. They sat silently, before Dia and Ruby left. Yō came back in then and sat next to Riko.

"Everyone has left besides us." Yō stated.

"What do you wanna do, Riko-chan?" Chika asked.

Riko shyly replied, "Can we cuddle? Just for a bit."

Chika and Yō smiled and nodded. They situated themselves on the bed and cuddled together. Yō turned on a movie to watch on her phone so they could do something without talking. Riko rested her head onto Chika's shoulder. She closed her eyes and relaxed.

This was the first time she felt okay. The first time she felt hopeful that things just might change. Riko couldn't have asked for more. She opened her eyes again and looked at Chika and Yō. She smiled as she placed a kiss on both of them. They smiled back at her and kissed her as well.

"I'm glad I have such awesome friends..." Riko whispered.

"We'll always be here if you need us."


End file.
